Secret of Mana
by FutureCam
Summary: Set during Fifth year. Jace Beleren and Chandra Nalaar end up teaching Defence against the Dark Arts. Hilarity, Umbridge-bashing and the plots of Voldemort allied with Nicol Bolas ensue.  ...and just where do Liliana Vess' loyalties lie?
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Set during Fifth year. Jace Beleren and Chandra Nalaar end up teaching Defence against the Dark Arts. Hilarity, Umbridge-bashing and the plots of Voldemort allied with Sorin Markov ensue.

...and just where do Liliana Vess' loyalties lie?

Hem-hem.  
"...it's out of the question." The figure in blue robes raged. "I cannot remain in this plane for an entire year just to teach your younglings to-"

"And I am not spending more than ten minutes in Jace's company!" the Redhead yelled, pointing at Dumbledore's face.  
Jace snorted.  
"...like you could ever stand a chance agaisnt me, Chandra..."  
"JACE, I AM WARNING YOU, SHUT UP OR SO HELP ME URZA-"  
Hem-hem.  
Jace and Chandra stared in disguist at the ministry hag in the corner of the room.  
"...is it a toad, or...?" Chandra muttered. Jace smirked.  
Umbridge coloured.  
"Well, proffessor Dumbledor, seeing as these two cannot stand the position you realise that I must take the-"  
"WE'LL TAKE IT!"  
Umbridge stared at them in shock.  
Jace and Chandra glared back.  
Dumbledore smiled. "Excellent...Madam Umbridge, if you would be so kind as to inform the minister for magic...?"  
Umbridge left, flouching.  
Jace and Chandra glanced at each other.  
"This isn't going to end well..."  
"Shut it, Emo-boy."  
**Later that year...**  
"And so, it is with great pleasure that I can introduce you to our new Defence against the Dark Arts teachers." Dumbledore stressed the plural. "Proffessor Jace Beleren and Assistant Proffessor Chandra Nalaar."  
Jace and Chandra bowed to the students.  
"Proffessor Beleren, if you would be so kind as to say a few words..."  
"Of course, Albus." Jace muttered, moving towards the podium. "...work hard, don't mess up, and don't misbehave because I can AND WILL read your mind to check."  
The students stared at him in horror, especially Fred and George.  
"...thank you."  
Jace sat back down. The applause was slightly less enthusiastic than before.  
"Erm...assistant proffessor Nalaar?" Dumbledor offered, slightly nervous. 'Mind mages...this was a bad idea...should have asked Venser...'  
Chandra was already there.  
"Ignore him, he's a boring git." Chandra pointed at Jace.  
Jace scowled and several flares of blue mana floated around his hand.  
"...anyway, I am much more fun and enjoy a good prank, as Jace will find out in five...four...three...two...one..."  
Jace's steak exploded, to much cursing. The students and quite a lot of the faculty laughed.

"Wicked." Fred and George said at the same time.  
Chandra grinned.  
"...see you in class."  
Much, much applause.  
Then Umbridge got up for her speech.

Jace fell asleep inside his hood.  
Chandra had no such liberties and had to listen to all of it.

"...Jace, you're a jerk."  
**

Harry, Hermione and Ron were discussing the new teachers on the way back.  
"Chandra looks like a laugh, doesn't she?" Ron muttered, leading some first-years up to the dormitory. "Jace looks like a right pain, though..."

Harry grinned. "Don't you realise? Malfoy can't hide anything...Jace can read his mind..."  
The three stared at each other.  
"Blimey. I never thought I'd hope to have defence against the dark arts at the same time as Slytherin." Ron said in disbelief. Hermione sighed.  
"...you two...at least we ended up with them instead of that Ministry hag..."  
They shuddered. "Good point."

"...we do have DADA with the Slytherins this year."  
"... I can't decide to be happy or sad about that." Harry admitted.  
**Lesson one...BEGIN!**  
Jace stared at his class.  
The class refused to meet his gaze.  
"...I am going to be instructing you on a very different type of magic." Jace drawled. "Mana-related magic. Who can describe what Mana is..."  
He turned towards the board.  
Hermione's hand shot up.  
"Yes, Miss Granger?"  
Back still towards the class, no mirrors, no wands...  
Chandra shuddered. Jace gave her the creeps.  
"Mana is a power source derived from various organic materials."  
"Excellent. Five points to Gryffindor. Can anyone OTHER than Miss Granger tell me what the five colors of mana are..."  
To general surprise, Neville's hand went up.  
"Yes, Mr Longbottom?"  
"Er...Red...Blue...Green...White...and Black?"  
"Excellent, another five points. Someone from Slytherin, now, if you will...what are the strengths of each type?"

Silence.

"...Mister Malfoy. Stop doodling and tell me the answer to this question: what are the abilities of Black Mana related magic?"  
Malfoy's head shot up.  
"...Er...I don't know?"  
Jace sighed in exasperation.  
"...Miss Granger, please stop trying to contain your excitement, you might explode."  
His back was STILL to the class. The class snickered.  
"...sorry, sir."  
"You might as well tell us, now..." Jace said, turning around. "What are the strengths and abilities of Blue Mana?"  
"er...Blue involves...mental manipulation?"  
"Very good...Blue Mana Magic involves illusions, trickery, counters and mind-manipulation to defeat its foes. It lacks brute force, such as that found in...Mr Longbottom?"  
"Er...Green Mana, which revolves around strength and plant life?"  
And suddenly Neville's knowledge about Mana makes sense.

It helped his herbology skills.  
"Very good...not just plants, of course, but animals as well – DETENTION, MISTER MALFOY!"  
Malfoy dropped his quill.  
"What for?"  
"For thinking about using a tongue-twister hex on Mister Longbottom." Jace snapped. "Ten points from Slytherin."  
Malfoy opened his mouth to protest. Jace produced a blue rune out of nowhere.  
"These are your thoughts from five seconds ago...do you want the class to see them or should I let you keep your privacy?"  
Malfoy slouched down.  
"Privacy it is then. Anyway...Green Magic revolves around Plant and Animal life, as well as minor protection abilities and amplifiying your own strenght and toughness..."  
Bang. The door flew off its hinges and hit the back of Goyle's head.

No harm done.  
Chandra walked into the room through the smoking remains of the doorframe.  
"Sorry I'm late, Jace."  
Jace facepalmed.

"...I'm sure Chandra can explain Red mana to us, then." He muttered, pouring himself a cup of wine from his silver hip-flask. He was gonna need it. Chandra grinned.  
"Red mana...lets see...Red mana is also known as 'fun' mana, because it lets you do this!"  
She threw a lightning bolt across the room.  
"...and this!"  
Fireball.  
"...and THIS!"  
Meteor shower plummeted towards the forbidden forest. Jace cast a counterspell, and the meteors were safely reabsorbed.

The class had a brief debate on whether summoning the meteors or making them vanish with a wave of your hand was cooler, before Jace cleared his throat. Everyone shut up.  
"Less enthusiasm, Chandra..." He drawled. Chandra sweatdropped.  
"...sorry, Proffessor. So...Red mana lets you cause damage to your opponent with spells...any idea what White mana does, anyone?"  
Seamus' hand shot up.  
"...Mister Finnegan."  
"Is tha' the one that heals stuff?"  
"Heals and protects, yes. A very...defensive color." Chandra muttered something about 'Cowardly Elspeth and her force fields...'  
Jace decided to step in before Chandra corrupted minds.  
"And black mana is the opposite. It revolves around Death, and victory through harming yourself." He said calmly. "It does not necessarily lead to evil, but it's not pleasent either."  
Students shuddered.  
The bell rang.  
"No homework. Next class we shall find out what color of mana you can use...and see if we need to call in other people to teach you how to use it or not."  
The students left.  
Chandra rounded on him.  
"Please tell me you're not bringing Garruk or Elspeth or, god forbid, Liliana here."  
"All of them."  
Beat.  
Beat.  
"...I'm going to hit my head against that wall now."  
"...have fun with that." Jace said dryly, as she walked over to a nearby wall and started applying her forehead in a perfet 50BPM tempo. "I'll be in my office."  
Chandra stopped."You have an office?"  
"Yes, and its warded to keep you out." Jace growled, walking into it and shutting the door.  
Chandra threw a lightning bolt at it.  
Jace's wards caused them to fly out of the window, into Dumbledore's office, and hit Fawkes, who went through the whole Pheonix Rebirth thing two years early.  
Chandra decided then and there to never try and enter Jace's office ever again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Secret of Mana**

_Chapter Two: Look what the Thopter dragged in_

A/N: Sorry this took so long. I hate exams.

***  
It had been about two weeks by now, and slowly the school was getting used to the influx of mana-related magic. For one thing, Jace noted as he walked to the greenhouse, was that me might need to contact Nissa. For all his potential, Neville needed to know how to make things stop growing.

Professor Sprout was not amused by the five-hundred-foot-tall Mimbulus Mimbletomia. Jace sighed and started conjuring the required runes to perform a basic counterspell. The giant cactus slowly shrunk back to its original size, bringing the greenhouse back down with it. The shaken and slime-covered fifth years walked out of the shed, trembling. Neville uttered a brief 'Thanks, Professor Belaren' before running off.

Jace groaned in disbelief. When were the rest going to get here?

_**Two weeks ago, on the third day of classes**_

The class shut up immediately as Jace walked into the room, dropping his books on the table.

"Right. As was previously promised…you shall now learn what kind of mana you can utilize. In order to do that…" He opened up his bag, pulling out a strange set of rotating hoops. "I have here an armillary sphere. Place your hands on it, concentrate, and see what color the two orbs inside become."  
He threw it over to Harry for a start. "Well, Potter? Try."  
Harry concentrated, but pulled his hands back when the rings started spinning. Jace shook his head in disbelief.  
"If you think that could hurt you, I dread to think what your reaction to the Eye of Ugin would be…try again."  
Despite the snickering from the Slytherins, Harry went again and focused completely. Jace's eyebrow arched upwards when he saw the result.

"Well, well, well…White _and _Black…interesting…" He mused. "Yes…looks like you'll need to spend some time with Liliana and Elspeth…maybe I should call in Venser too…carry on."  
Neville, to no-one's surprise, got mono-green...of extraordinary strength. Jace was the only one who was reading the power level, and even he was shocked by the boy's potential.

_Note to self – do not let Garruk keep him to himself._ He thought grimly. _We'll end up with two uber-powerful nature freaks._

Crabbe and Goyle both ended up with black and green – of minimalist power. Jace spent a few moments trying to figure out the green, until he remembered Garruk's brute strength.

Draco, to the shock of quite a few people, ended up with mono-_blue_ mana – at least until the point Jace realized the second orb was black.  
Much, _much_ later, and they'd finally reached Hermione and Ron. Jace, tired and annoyed – and also wondering where Chandra had gone – handed the orb out to them.

Just in time for the shock of his life. Ron got mono-blue, while Hermione got mono-red.

There was a brief, awkward silence.

"…what." Jace said flatly.

**_Back to the present…_**

Jace tapped his foot on the ground, letting Chandra 'teach' about red mana for a while, staring at the wall and just waiting for the portal to open.

Finally, it did, and a rather disheveled looking Elspeth stepped through.

"Sorry I'm late. Venser needed me for something." She muttered, shifting her hair back into place. Jace raised an eyebrow.

"…not going to ask…anyway, you beat Garruk."  
That was when the door was smashed down.

"JACE!"  
Jace cursed, just as Garruk grabbed him into a huge bear hug.

"IT'S BEEN TOO LONG! TELL ME, DID YOU FIND WHAT YOU NEEDED AT ZENDIKAR? HOW'S YOUR GUILD ON RAVNICA DOING? Why aren't you answering me?"

Chandra was curled up on the floor, howling in laughter. Elspeth stood awkwardly to the side.

Jace groaned.

"…spleen…destroyed…spine…dislocated in five places…pancreas…unaccounted for…"  
Elspeth sighed and ripped Garruk off of him, before kneeling down and starting some basic healing magic. Jace nodded his thanks.

"Well…there's only one more left…"  
"I had noticed." Elspeth nodded. "Tell me…who's going to instruct for Black?"

Jace shifted uncomfortably. Garruk narrowed his eyes at him.

"…you better not have…"  
Jace glanced away from him, just as the portal opened.

Liliana stepped out, and the majority of the male students began to drool. Jace pointedly looked away, while Elspeth flinched.

Chandra's laughter increased in volume.

Garruk drew his axe and slammed her through the wall of the tower, where the two started to fall. Jace ran out after them, summoning a pair of wings to his back. The students crowded around the hole, desperate to see a bit of the action.

Liliana's pale skin was suddenly alight with her lines of power, and she hurtled an orb of pure mana in Garruk's face, forcing him to break away. They landed perfectly, Jace between them.

"Now, you two, don't do anything-"  
Garruk slammed his axe into the ground, sending a massive spear of earth flying towards Jace and Liliana. Liliana countered with another wave of death energy.

Jace feigned interest while performing a counterspell, and the two dissipated instantly. He assumed his full Mind Sculptor powers, and winds started gathering around his feet.

"**Right.**" Jace hissed dangerously. "**You two will NOT fight each other, just teach, nicely. Got it?**"  
Garruk opened his mouth to object, and got thrown into the lake by a flare of Aether. When he broke the surface again, he nodded weakly.

"Understood, Jace."

"Right. Liliana?"  
"…I'm only doing this because I owe you." Liliana said grudgingly. The three floated back up through the holes, just as the bell rang to inform the students the lesson was over. Jace waved his hands.

"Go on, leave."  
Just before they left, Harry managed to hear Liliana purr something in Jace's ear.

"By the way, Jace…how come you never call?"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: And so, the lessons begin.

A/N: A little rants upon the game of Magic: The Gathering here. At the time of posting, Jace the Money Stealer – I mean Mind Sculptor – has been banned from Standard. Sad face ensues. However, the new Magic 2012 Jace card, Jace – Memory Adept, is looking to be almost as broken, especially if the Innistrad block does focus on the idea of 'graveyard matters'.

PLANESWALKER – JACE

+1 – Draw a card. Target player puts the top card of their library into their graveyard

0 – Target player puts the top ten cards of their deck into the graveyard

-7 – Any number of target players draws 20 cards.

_Glimpse the Unthinkable_ each turn for 3C UU? Yes, please.

**  
Jace Belaren was enjoying a rather nice cup of an increasingly expensive Zendikarian blend of tea when a familiar toad-like presence crept up on his mindscape. He groaned and turned around.  
"Yes, Madam Umbridge?"  
"I have learned that you have allowed three more people of your ilk to help you instruct?" She said sweetly. Jace shivered inside.

"Yes. I am not too proud to admit that they have areas where they exceed over me. Therefore, now I know the student's natural tendencies, they shall split into five classes based upon this. If they have more than one tendency, they shall be in my class until I figure out which specialists I need to bring in."

"Well, the Minister of magic believes that Mana is too dangerous for a young child. From this point on, you are relieved of your position and I am to replace-"  
Jace stood up and blasted her unconscious. He then proceeded to adjust her memories of this conversation, and make her think that a group of Slytherins pranked her as the reason for her unconsciousness.

"You're not pulling off any of your plans on my watch, you racist moron." Jace snorted.

**  
GREEN MANA – GARRUK WILDSPEAKER

Garrus grinned out at the assembled students in front of him. Most of them shivered in fear, rightly so as well.

"I am Garruk Wildspeaker, and because I owe Jace a handful of enormous favors involving Ravnica, a dragon and a messed-up Necromancer, I'm here to instruct you in the basics of green mana."

He looked at the blackboard and chalk that Jace had provided. It promptly got thrown out of the window and into the lake. He pointed towards the forbidden forest.

"After I give you the basic theory, all my classes with you lot will be in there. It's called practical. Live with it."

Neville shivered in fear. He had the strangest feeling he wasn't going to enjoy this situation.

BLACK MANA – LILIANA VESS

Liliana finished scratching on the board before turning around. It read, quite clearly, 'If you prank, you BECOME a demonstration.'

"Black Mana is all about the cost you are willing to pay." She said calmly, walking down the classroom. "The more of yourself you are willing to risk, the more significant the increase in power. It can be used as simple offensive bolts that we refer to as 'instants', or more passively destructive permanent effects, that we refer to as 'enchantments'."

She rounded on her class. It was a lot smaller than the rest of the groups, but there were people from each house there, most notably Cho Chang. She smiled calmly, allowing the barest hint of her power lines to show through.

"Get used to the idea of a lot of theory, class. Black Mana is not something you mess around with casually. I learnt that the hard way."

WHITE MANA – ELSPETH TIREL

Elspeth tapped the board thoughtfully for a few seconds. She'd switched out of her full armor into simple white robes customary of Knights of Bant.

_Or it was before the Conflux, anyway_. She thought sadly. She shook away any thoughts of her former home and smiled at her class.

"Hello. I don't believe I've introduced myself. I am Elspeth Tirel, your temporary instructor for White Mana."  
There was a general, polite chorus. Elspeth smiled angelically.

"Right, then. The basis around White mana is simple – aid your allies. Heal, protect, and so on. Only take the offensive if there is no other option."  
To demonstrate, she motioned towards a disgruntled looking Ravenclaw at the front with a large scar down the side of his face, and performed some mid-range incantations. The class gasped as it faded away to nothing, and the now admittedly much better-looking Ravenclaw touched his cheek in amazement. Elspeth then scowled at the class.

"But let me make one thing perfectly clear – NEVER, and I mean NEVER, use this for your own vanity. Down that road lies nothing for you. Am I clear?"

The class rumbled assent. Elspeth smiled again.

"Very well. The basic manipulation of white mana involves…"

Chandra tapped the blackboard thoughtfully – or, to be more precise, the multiple runes etched into it.  
"Stupid Jace knew I wanted to blow this thing up." She muttered, turning back to the class with a grin. It somewhat reminded Hermione of a shark. "Right, then…you know who I am, and what the stuff is, so I want to see what any of you can do first. Miss Granger?"  
Hermione stood up carefully, trying not to panic. "Is this entirely safe?"  
Chandra snorted. "Just concentrate, and aim at me. I really doubt anything you can do will hurt me."  
Hermione hesitated for a second, before sighing and cupping her hands. She concentrated carefully, applying Jace's basic instructions – _balance, focus and serenity_ – while combining it with the required emotions to mold Red mana. Slowly, a small red flame danced around between them, and the class gasped.

Chandra raised an eyebrow. "What's that gonna do to me, kid?"  
Hermione puckered her lips, and puffed on the flame. It went out.

Chandra snorted. "Is that it-"  
A wave of the invisible Ghostfire slammed into her, forcing her through her blackboard. Jace's runes reacted…violently, lashing her out the window. Padma Patil shrieked. The class ran over to the window…to see Chandra rising up on her summoned Spitfire dragon. She was slightly scorched.

"…that's a good start." She said with a smirk, dropping into a fighting stance and motioning to the rest of her group. "Bring it."  
Padma and Hermione glanced at each other for a second, before Seamus sighed and somehow hurtled a fireball at Chandra. She began laughing in glee and dodged carelessly.

"Is that all?"

BLUE/GOLD MANA – PROFFESOR BELAREN

Jace was just beginning his class when he heard a dull 'crump'. He sank his head into his hands and checked his watch.

"Five minutes in and Chandra's already blown something up. I KNEW I should have asked Elspeth to bring Koth…" He muttered to himself in anger, getting up and walking to the door. "Come on you lot, you might just learn something."  
He marched into Chandra's classroom and his jaw dropped. Nothing was left, and…

"Is Hermione riding a dragon made of fire?" Harry asked weakly. Jace nodded dumbly, before yelling to Chandra.

"YOU TAUGHT THEM HOW TO SUMMON A SPITFIRE?"

Chandra paused for a second. "…yeah."  
Jace groaned and motioned to his group to stay there. Draco was glaring up at the sky with exceedingly obvious contempt.

"What's that mudblood able to do that I can't?" He growled, twitching his hands. A metal spar twitched dangerously, and Jace's eyes opened wide.

'_Oh, crap. He's the same as Tezzeret's new powers.'_

The spar shot out towards Hermione, but it was thankfully deflected by a shield of water. A trembling Ron lowered his hand and stared at it. Jace blinked.

"…how did you summon a Mnemonic Wall so easily?" He asked weakly. Ron shrugged, as if to say, _'What the ruddy hell's a Mnemoic Wall?'_

Jace glanced around in disbelief. First Chandra's taught her students high-level summoning and mid-level firemoulding, and now Draco's on the same power spectrum as his own Arch-Nemesis, and Ron could summon a high-level wall easier than he could!

How could this day get any worse?  
"Good evening, Jace." A smooth, Romanian voice asked from behind him. "It looks like you're having some difficulty."  
Another, richer and darker voice with a slight echo behind it, joined in. "Yeah, what's wrong? Not as strong as you thought you were?"  
Jace paled.

_Oh, shit._


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So…the M12 prerelease was really fun. Three Oblivion Rings, a Frost Titan and a Garruk, Primal Hunter. White-Blue control, plus a money card. HELL YEAHZ!

Chapter Four: Nothing good happens

**  
Jace raised his eyes to the sky before turning around.

"Hello, Tezzeret. Hello, Sarkhan." He said calmly, stepping between his students and the madmen. "Why are Bolas' favorite pets here?"  
Sarkhan glared at him, twitching dangerously. Tezzeret's smile faltered slightly.

"Following his orders." He hissed. Jace raised an eyebrow.  
"Aren't you meant to be on Mirrodin?"  
Sarkhan laughed. "It's New Phyrexia now." He reminded his fellow planeswalker. All the students had gathered around Jace.

"Professor Belaren…what's happening?"

Chandra swooped down on her phoenix.

"Jace! Why's the dragon freak here?" She asked, glaring at Sarkhan. Jace glanced at her for a second.  
"Chandra, get Dumbledore, Elspeth and the others. Something's wrong here."

"Yeah, no shit." Chandra muttered, but her eyes were serious. "I'll be back in a second."

She swooped off towards Dumbledore's office. Harry repeated his question.

"Just get behind me, kid." Jace said calmly, taking a few steps forwards. "I seem to remember our encounter on Kamigawa ending in a draw, Tezzeret."  
Tezzeret raised an eyebrow. "You ran away."  
"And you cheated." Jace replied calmly. "Did Bolas fix your mind?"  
Sarkhan snorted. "Let's get this over with, Tezz! Let's kill him and the Potter brat and get back to that decrepit old man Bolas told us to help."  
Tezzeret sighed. "Always so blunt, Sarkhan…very well. I shall deal with the Mind Mage. You get the kid."  
Jace reacted almost instantaneously, throwing up a Mnemonic Wall around the students. Unfortunately, the time to it required to do that gave Tezzeret the time to shift his etherium hand into a mageslayer – and ram it into Jace's stomach. It exited out the back of his spine with a sickening 'schluck'.

"You always were too compassionate, Jace, no matter how much you tried to hide it." He whispered to his face. Jace smirked, blood coming out the corner of his mouth.

"…and you…always are…so stupid…" He muttered back, ramming two fingers into each of his temples. "…traumatize…"  
Tezzeret screamed in pain as the psychic jolt smashed through his mind, scrambling his memories and ruining his perception of reality. Jace stumbled off of the mageslayer, and he just made out Sarkhan hammering on his Mnemonic wall.

'_Gotta keep that up…'_ He thought to himself, slipping inside it. Sarkhan howled in anger, and a stream of fire shot out of his mouth. The Mnemonic Wall began to strain.

"…like…hell…you're…getting…in…" Jace grunted, but he could already feel his life starting to slip away. '_Damn Mageslayers…'_

"Professor Belaren!" Padma shrieked, running up to him. "What…what are these people?"  
Jace shoved her away.

"I can't….keep this wall up forever. You're going to need to run once it goes down." He hissed. "Find…Elspeth…she's the…most powerful other than me…she'll…help…"

Another blast rocked the wall. A large crack appeared in the ice.

"Get ready…" He hissed. Harry braced himself. Jace let the wall down and lashed out with a massive stream of Aether.

"RUN, DAMMIT!"

The Aether had slammed Sarkhan into a wall. Tezzeret struggled up just as the students ran, some screaming, past him. Tezzeret launched himself at Jace, obsession in his eyes. Sarkhan started to transform…

…and got a Doom Blade to the face for his troubles. Liliana Vess floated down the stairs, Chandra next to her.

"Would you like to try again, Dragon Son?" She asked calmly. Sarkhan hissed.

"If you would but care to reveal your intent to us, Demon-Sworn." He replied, drawing himself up to his full height on his staff. Chandra hurtled a fireball at him, only for it to be lashed away by a tree root that sprouted.

**  
The mortally wounded Jace was spent spiraling out of the hole in the wall created by Chandra's class by Tezzeret's tackle, falling all five stories into the lake. He dragged himself up to the surface, sucking in a breath desperately. Tezzeret waltzed next to him and rammed his Mageslayer through a lung.

"Is this it, Mind Sculptor?" He smirked. Jace couldn't breathe.

**  
Sarkhan was…slightly vexed as the two female planeswalkers traded blows with him.

"I never thought that a pair of Jace's girl-toys would put up such a fight." He hissed, showing his teeth. Chandra's hair flared.

"GIRL-TOY?"  
Liliana hissed. "I'll have you know _I _boss _him_ around in this relationship."  
The was a slight pause as Chandra glanced at Liliana.

"Seriously? You and emo-mage?"  
"…shut up and fight, Nalaar." Liliana sighed. Chandra shrugged.

"Just…never saw it coming, that's all."

Sarkhan took a few steps forwards when a red stream of light slammed into his chest, knocking him back. His staff flew into the air, where Dumbledore caught it casually.

"I believe Professor Belaren and I have a few words to exchange." He said casually. Sarkhan hissed and ran forwards to the gap, sprouting a pair of dragon wings.

"You'll get what's coming to you, old man!" He screamed as he hurtled to the grounds.

**  
Tezzeret yanked the mageslayer out of Jace again.

"Always so overconfident…look at the 'king' of Ravnica. Look at the famous Mind Sculptor of Zendikar who saved the Merfolk from extinction by using the power found in their archives. You're just a broken man. You shouldn't have tried to save the kid."  
A new voice, stronger and clearer, broke out behind him.

"And you REALLY shouldn't have given me an etherium heart as 'thanks' for the Karn incident." Venser, The Soujourner said flatly, putting his hand on the back of Tezzeret's shoulder. He teleported the Etherium Arm into Tezzeret's other hand, ripping a scream out of the Seeker-turned-Agent. Elspeth swooped down next to them, and put a hand on Jace's back.

She muttered something under her breath, and a ray of light shot from the sun and started to fix the wounds on Jace's body. Sarkhan swooped down and grabbed Tezzeret, before they both planeswalked out. The last thing Jace saw before he passed out was Elspeth and Venser hugging.

Jace blinked back into reality in Dumbledore's office, surrounded by his fellow planeswalkers. Dumbledore smiled at him.

"I believe you have some explaining to do."

Jace groaned.

"I did nothing. For some reason, Nicol Bolas – a very old, very POWERFUL planeswalker – has allied himself with a 'decrepit old fool' – probably this Voldemort you're all so scared about. Tezzeret is his top agent, and Sarkhan, well, he's his dog."

Dumbledore blinked.

"I…see…"  
"No you don't." Jace said calmly, struggling upright. "If he's sent Tezzeret and Sarkhan, he'll send others. I don't know all of his allies, but he knows every single other planeswalker, and they either owe him something, are his servants or hate the hell out of him…like Elspeth and myself."

Elspeth twitched dangerously. Venser patted her back.

"It's okay. I still hold a grudge for the entire Time Rift incident." He said kindly. Elspeth glared at him.

"He initiated the Conflux and basically destroyed my HOME." She paused. "No, let me rephrase that: He fused my home with HELL and sent it into a constant cycle of war to REGAIN HIS POWER from your Time Rift 'incident'!"

Venser backed off. Liliana let out a brief chuckle, but shut up once Elspeth glared at her. Jace sighed and turned towards Dumbledore.

"Look, it's evident that Bolas and Voldemort are working together for some reason – if I know Bolas, he probably wants to be able to use this world's magic in addition to his Mana, so he's using Voldemort as a tool." Jace said grimly. "Which means we're going to have to call in an expert to deal with him."  
Venser nodded, and smirked.

"Don't worry about it. Ajani is already on his way."  
Jace grinned. "Good. Now, Dumbledore…"  
The slightly confused headmaster nodded dumbly.

"…you'll need to explain what the hell happened to the students, but it CANNOT leave this building. If your ministry found out, they'd try to exile us and then…well…I don't think Mister Potter and his friends can handle Tezzeret and Sarkhan Vol."

Dumbledore nodded carefully. "And to deal with Umbridge…?"  
"I'll wipe her memories, like I have been for the last five weeks." Jace deadpanned. "Otherwise, I'd be gone, she'd have way too much power and Hagrid would have been fired."

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow.

"Impressive."  
"Thank you." Jace got up carefully. "Let's get ready, people. We've got a war coming up."

**  
A/N: Five bucks says none of you saw this happening this early. It's an Adventure/humor for a reason.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: Venser's Theory

A/N: Yes, I know it's short. Yes, I know that I'm moving too quickly. But this isn't exactly my most serious story, and it's more of a thing I do to relax.

But people seem to like it's sheer crackiness, so it's all good.

Also, there is a hint as to why all of the planeswalkers are acting OOC if you squint - yes, that was on purpose, and not pulled out of my ass. STOP SMIRKING!

And one final message: It turns out that the order of power is something along the lines of Karn - Bolas - Sorin - Liliana, but it could be reversed to Bolas - Karn if Karn doesn't still have the Legacy Weapon. I'm just waiting for Gerard or Urza to take over for a while...Karn is a psychologist's dream, with the amount of people living in his brain.

Jace took one good, long look at the surrounding area…and gave up.

"I give. What. The. Hell."  
Somehow, SOMEBODY had merged the Slytherin and Gryffindor common rooms. He didn't now why, and he sure as hell didn't know HOW, but all he knew was that it swiftly degenerated into an all-out duel between them, non-lethal spells and surges of uncontrolled mana blasting between them. Honestly, given Slytherin's background, it was a wonder that the place wasn't full of Unforgivables by now.

Jace cleared his throat. Nothing happened.

'_No wonder it doesn't work for Umbridge. They just don't give a crap.'_ He realized. Ah, well. Fancy attention catching it is.

One surge of Aether and multiple blasts of frost pinning the students from the neck down later…

Jace stood in the middle of the room. "Right. I'd like explanations."  
The room erupted into noise. He sighed.

"One at a time."  
The noise continued. Jace groaned. "POTTER! MALFOY! YOU TALK! ALL ELSE SHUT UP!"  
"…why them?" Ron piped up. Jace sighed.

"I've looked at this school's records. You name me ONE GOD-DAMNED THING that has happened to these dorms in the last FIVE YEARS that DOESN'T involve one of you two, and I will be PRETTY DAMN IMPRESSED." He hissed. "Now give me an explanation before I summon an Eldrazi."  
"What's an Eldrazi-"  
"You really don't want to know."  
Malfoy sighed.  
"I don't know. There was this surge of blue and white mana – like Potter's – and we were all teleported-"  
"Wait. First, Potter is Blue and BLACK. Secondly…well….white…blue…teleportation…VENSEEEEEEE-"  
*In Dumbledore's office*

Dumbledore popped a lemon drop in his mouth.

"-"  
He frowned. _'well, that's odd'_

**  
Chandra grinned at the hufflepuffs.  
"Alright, good job. Now then-"

"…Jace?"  
**At Venser's assigned bunk in the Ravenclaw tower…**  
"-EEEEEEEEER! I'M GOING TO SEND YOU BACK TO NEW PHYREXIA IF YOU DON'T EXPLAIN WHY THE HELL YOU DID THIS!"  
Venser chuckled and shut his book. "Ah, Jace…I better explain then."  
**At Gryffindor/Slytherin…**  
One second Jace was ranting.  
The next was filled with this noise that can only be described as 'poof'.

**  
"Yo." Venser said dully. Jace resisted the urge to resort to the 'Garruk Method' "Guess you found out about my little power test."  
_'Screw it, Garruk Method it is.'_

Jace began to strangle Venser. Venser forced his hands away.

"Cut it out, Jace, you've got the upper body strength of…huh…what is the upper body strength of saprolings anyway?"

Jace twitched, then what Venser had said clicked.

"…why would you need to test your power?"  
"Well, it's just a theory, but, I MIGHT know what Bolas is planning…."

Suddenly, everything stopped.  
*********************************************************************

Chandra was a confused pyromancer.

First off, how come all of the good students were exclusively in Gryffindor? How come all of the Slytherins were, by default, complete asshats? How come the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were so average they were forgettable?  
Except for Luna. It's kind of hard to forget Luna. As much as Chandra – and apparently a very stressed Liliana – attempted to forget about this little girl who walked in here and couldn't handle a basic cantrip but then proceeded to through a TIME STOP through the castle, completely by accident, AND LEAVING HERSELF AFFECTED BY IT…well, that was somewhat impressive.  
Chandra looked at Liliana. Liliana looked at the frozen Luna.

Neither of them knew any counterspells, and Jace was frozen.

"…If I spend all eternity in the company of no-one but YOU, I will kill something." Chandra said quietly. Liliana growled.

"And why would that be?"  
"Oh, no reason, missus Belaren."  
Liliana flared. "What was that?" She said, in a deathly chill voice. Chandra shivered. She was still freaking scary.

"I can't believe ANYONE would fall for that sap, let alone a necromancer-"  
Liliana put on her Veil. Chandra stared at it.

"Is that the thing that possessed Garruk?"  
"Yes."  
"…are you going to corrupt me too?"  
"No, I'm just going to use the power boost to KILL you."  
"Ah. Right. Well then…" Chandra hurled a fire axe at her, which was met with a doom blade.

Lightning bolt? Darkness. Red Sun's Zenith? Countered with an equally powerful Black Sun. Spark? Countered with a Dismember….

It went on like this, until Luna shrugged off the effect of her spell and looked at them.

"Is there a reason the apocalypse is forming between you?" She asked, very sanely.

The two female planeswalkers took one long look at the flickering red and black ball of mana between them.

"DON'T RESUME TIME." They said simultaneously. "We need to disperse this-"  
"Although, one spell Proffessor Belaren mentioned might shut it down…Force of Will?"  
The ball disappeared, and time resumed. The two female planeswalkers gawked at her.

"I…you… two Legacy-level spell…Jace only…ONCE PER MONTH?" Chandra spluttered. Liliana just ignored her and stared at Luna.

'_She can't control it, but her power…it's almost as though she's a pre-mending planeswalker…'_

******************  
Jace frowned.

"Continue, Venser."  
Venser nodded.  
"Well, this book deals with the idea of fusing Mana and Magic together for – let's not mince words – 'uber-spells'. However, the backlash would completely burn out anything other than Bolas, and even then he wouldn't be able to use another one." Venser explained. "He would, however, be able to essentially change the fabric of the universe…"  
Jace frowned. "One spell could make everyone bow down to him…and if he teaches Voldemort who, let's face it, if he's as powerful as Dumbledore could hold his own against us …there'd be two tyrants…but still, one spell, and then they can be defeated, right?"  
Venser held up a hand.

"Not if Bolas increases his power to its former heights, just like every other planeswalker before the year I became one…"  
Jace laughed. "Yeah, but that's impossible – the mending-"  
Venser's next words could have frozen an inferno. "Our power has been increasing. The mending is being meddled with. I would assume weak death eaters are being taught mana and then sacrificed to test his theory is correct."  
Jace couldn't accept what was happening. This was impossible…completely impossible…and utterly insane.

"It's simple. If I had a spell that could alter the fabric of the universe, but I can only use it once at my new power level…I'd use it to revert time back to the point where my power is equal to that of gods." Venser said, completely calm. "Nicol Bolas intends to counteract the mending."  
**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: Always look on the kid's side of life_  
**_

_A/N: *Looks at delay and then horde of angry readers*….I REGRET NOTHING! *Starts running*_

_In all seriousness, this was MEANT to come out, uh…Innistrad Prerelease-ish. So yeah. _

…_my bad? And it's not even that long, I know, but that's my style for this story – the chapters are short and almost episodic, with hints of an overarching story. Like the whole Nicol Bolas Mending thing, which is going to be nigh-impossible for me to tie up in just OotP, which is probably good news for some of you. In other news: New Garruk is awesome, new Liliana is awesome, and White/Black Sorin, Lord of Innistrad…hello, Orzhov Tokens my old friend. I missed you.  
(Yeah, I had an EDH deck with that premise led by Teysa. Sorin was enough to convince me to put it back together again.)  
**_

Throughout the weeks after the incident with Tezzeret and Sarkhan, the students learned multiple things.

One, Chandra Nalaar was batshit crazy,

Two, that new guy who could teleport was freaking awesome, especially after the Gryffindor/Slytherin House War thing that he caused by accident.

And three, they were starting to do things that stretched the limits of their imaginations. To the point where they were honestly concerned about what could happen if anyone lost control. Thankfully, the one occasion someone did, all Jace needed to do was look at it funny and it would stop happening. Apparently, in terms of skill or sheer power, they were far, FAR behind the planeswalkers.

However, for once, it wasn't the Gryffindor Three who got all the attention. All of the planeswalkers had picked their own 'prodigies' that they were tutoring in their spare time.

People had never felt as sorry for Neville Longbottom as when Garruk burst into the great hall and dragged him into the forbidden forest to practice 'Tree Wrestling'. Even the Slytherins had winced in sympathy a few times.  
**Neville and Garruk**  
"You have got to be kidding me." Neville said flatly as he stared at the giant treant in front of him. "That's…that's a walking tree."  
"Aye."  
"And you want me to FIGHT IT."  
Garruk thought to himself for a moment. "That about sums it up, yes!" He said brightly.

"You haven't even taught me how to amplify my strength or whatever you called it yet!" Neville screamed in a very uncharacteristic bout of rage. Garruk shrugged.

"Eh, learn from experience. Don't die."  
He threw Neville at the treant.  
**Jace and Luna**  
"WILL YOU JUST LISTEN FOR A SECOND!"  
"Ooh look, a blibbering humbdiger!" Luna gasped, flicking through Jace's journal. "All the things you've seen…I wish I could planeswalk-"  
"WOULD YOU KINDLY STOP &^$# WITH THE FABRIC OF THE TIME-SPACE CONTINUUM!" Jace roared.

Luna blinked innocently. "…doing what with the fabric of the time-space continuum?"

Jace looked around at the rest of the world, which was moving twice as fast as usual, then rewinding to five minutes ago, and had been for the last hour.

"…just…stop continuously casting Timetwisters…"  
"Oh, is that what it's called? I thought I came up with it myself." Luna said, disappointed. "Okay, I'll stop it."  
Time reverted to five minutes ago again, and Jace attempted to not loose the plot completely. "I-how-when-why-where-POWER NINE?"  
Luna returned to Jace's journal, completely separated from his rants. "You know, you're quite the good artist."  
That statement was enough to cause Jace to just sit down and pour himself a very large Ravnican Rum. "This is gonna be one looooooooooong tutoring session."  
**Lilliana and Cho**  
"Focus, girl!" Liliana snapped. "Waver even slightly, and even a spell as simple as Reanimate can falter!"  
Cho nodded, blinking away tears as she focused on the skeleton she was trying to animate. "Sorry, Professor Vess."  
The room was quiet for a while until Liliana's voice broke out of the silence.  
"Is there something wrong, girl?" She asked, slightly warmer. Cho rubbed her eyes.  
"It's just – someone important died last year, and…this spell…" She looked up hopefully at Liliana. "Can I bring him back? Can you bring him back?"  
Liliana looked at the heartbroken teenager and shook her head. "I'm sorry. No magic can truly resurrect the dead." Her voice turned bitter for just one second. "I've tried so many times." She whispered sullenly.  
Cho began to break down into tears, collapsing onto her knees with her body wracked with sobs. Liliana sat down and put her arms around her, holding her close, letting her cry away her last hope.  
**Elspeth and Ginny**  
"You seem to focus a little _too _much on destruction, Miss Weasly." Elspeth said non-commitably. "White mana's first purpose is to protect. Now."

She turned to the smoking patch on the floor that used to be one of Venser's artificial Slivers, and what was supposed to be their training mannequin.

"Would you like to explain your theories about WHY you felt the need to throw a _**DAY OF JUDGEMENT**_ at it?" She said, somehow managing to refrain from screaming. Ginny had the good grace to look embarrassed for a few seconds.

"…ah…the best defense is a good offense?"

Elspeth sighed in disbelief. "Oh, Gideon would LOVE you. Right, let's try again. Remember, you are trying to DEFEND yourself with the spell I'm teaching you, not BLOW A HOLE IN THE FLOOR."

Ginny nodded, and returned to her next attempt. The second sliver burst out of its cage at Elspeth's gesture, and slammed against a clear, shimmering sphere that Ginny managed to call up around her. It writhed back, shrieking, just as the sphere dissipated and Elspeth nodded in satisfaction.  
"The Boros Fury-Shield. While you lack the red mana for its offensive prospects, it still remains a sufficient defensive platform. Again."  
The sliver lunged forward, and Ginny sighed. It was going to be a long training session…  
**Chandra and Seamus**  
"So kid, do you like explosions?" Chandra asked one day after class. She'd kept Seamus behind after he blew up his desk one too many times.

"Professor McGonagall keeps saying' I've got a skill for pyrotechnics." He said proudly. Chandra nodded carefully.

"…do ya wanna learn how to make BIGGER explosions?" She asked with a grin. Seamus' face split into a massive smile.  
Five minutes later, a Lava Axe smashed through Professor Flitwick's wall, completely by accident.

"Alright, you have skill, but you need to learn how to AIM." Chandra admitted. Seamus grinned.

"Where's the fun in that?"  
"…okay, kid, you I like!"

**Venser and Fred/George**  
Jace took one look at Venser's 'delayed' private tutoring request to take Fred and George under his wing as artificer students.

Then he looked at the newly-teleported giant squid, complete with breathing apparatus, occupying the great hall, showing that he hadn't bothered to wait for a reply before taking them on.

"…I…hate…teleporting…" He growled, crushing the note in his hand.

"Do I want to know?" A mild voice from behind him asked carefully. Jace shrugged.

"Not really, Ajani. When did you get here?"  
"Just after the giant squid. It clued me off to this castle's location"  
"Ah. I see." Jace sighed. "Well, nice to see you. How many screams of 'Cute' or 'Run away, cat monster' have you gotten so far?"  
"Twenty-five 'Cutes', Sixty-six 'ohmigawd, kitty' and five 'Run Away, Cat Monsters'. I get the impression you've done enough to this school that they don't care about the fact that Leonin look like bipedal lions anymore." Ajani said, still completely calm.

"No, they were like that when I got here."  
"Really? Huh."  
The two stared at the giant squid for another second in amiable silence.

"…this is one #%^# up plane you found this time, Jace. And considering Lorwyn/Shadowmoor, that's saying something." Ajani finalized. Jace shrugged.

"I found that out on day one. So, how's life?"  
"Good, good. I heard you found Bolas?"  
"We think he's got something to do with all this, yeah. Why?" Jace asked casually. Ajani's eyes narrowed, but he remained in control of his emotions.

"I am going to gut him and make him eat his own heart." He said flatly. Jace nodded in satisfaction.  
"Welcome aboard, Ajani. Talk to the headmaster about getting settled here, I'll introduce you to the students tomorrow."

There was a brief pause.  
"And if some woman that looks like a toad but isn't calls you a half-breed, just hit her. I'll wipe her memory afterwards." Jace added as an afterthought.

"Most considerate of you, considering I've already done that. She's inside the giant squid, Venser was glad to help me – although he seemed curiously frantic about getting me away from the room he shared with Elspeth."  
"Yeah, that's a mental image I don't need any more of." Jace muttered. "Well, I guess I'll go drag her out and wipe her mind." 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: Who don't you piss off?_  
**_

_A/N: Compensation? And for those of you getting worried about overpowered characters, they are seriously going to need that. Yes, there is an explanation for Luna's Legacy-ish antics, and yes, I do think it's quite a clever one myself. One does have to wonder – exactly how batshit insane but BRILLIANT were most elder dragons?_

_Cookie to anyone that can catch the reference in this chapter. It's fairly obvious._

Another week had passed, and the group, now including Ajani, had finally gotten settled down into a routine with their DAtDA classes and their prodigy training. The school of witchcraft and wizardry had, in the space of two months (It wasn't even Christmas yet, for crying out loud), also become known amongst the multiverse as the staging grounds of a new alliance of planeswalkers. They even had their own table in the great hall!

"Shouldn't we be worried about this reputation we've been getting?" Chandra asked Jace casually, lying down on a sofa. "I mean, Nicol Bolas-"  
"Already knew where we were." Jace said bluntly. Chandra raised an eyebrow.

"-The Eldrazi-"  
"Are a bit preoccupied with Zendikar right now."  
"…Phyrexia?" Venser offered tentatively. Jace frowned.  
"If that becomes a serious problem, we find Karn and beg for help." He said after a few seconds. Venser shrugged.  
"Sounds good to me. Koth might kill you though."  
"He can try." Jace smirked. "He can definitely give it a try."

**  
_Meanwhile, in Bolas' lair on Earth…_

"Lord Bolas" A clothed Veldaken planeswalker said, kneeling. "Another plane's government has fallen to your secret dominion. What should we rename it-"  
"Bolas Plane 871." Bolas' rumbling telepathic voice spread through the chamber.  
"Right, right." The Veldaken said hurridly, walking out and bumping into a Death Eater as he left. "Sorry."  
The death eater turned to Bolas, two more behind him. "My lord demands to know why it is taking so long to destroy Hogwarts-"

A wave of pure mana obliterated him. Bolas turned to the other two, one massive eye staring unblinkingly at them. "Voldemort demands NOTHING of me."  
"My apologies. Our lord demands – NO, I SAID IT BECAUSE HE SAID IT-"  
The second wave of mana obliterated him. Bolas' eye flickered to the last death eater, who chuckled nervously.  
"First, thanks for the promotion. Second…My lord is curious as to why Hogwarts is taking so long to destroy."

"There was an unforeseen consequence from an earlier plot of mine." Bolas rumbled deeply. "A group of planeswalkers with a common cause bands together there. While I have no doubt that I could defeat them, I prefer not to take risks. In fact, my two top agents are attempting to recruit another Planeswalker, whose power is significant enough to pose a…slight irritant to me."

There was another brief pause, then the man turned to leave. A wave of mana disintegrated him as soon as Bolas figured Voldemort had the information through Legilimency – no need to leave unnecessary baggage wandering around.  
**

_Meanwhile, on Innistrad…_

**  
"Sorin." Tezzeret growled, scratching at his third etherium arm in three decades. "Have you yet come to a decision?"  
"I don't see why I need to get involved." Sorin said smoothly, sitting back on his throne. "In fact, just give me one reason why I shouldn't just tell Nicol Bolas to…what was that quant phrase Ugin was so fond of all the time…ah yes, 'Piss off'."

Sarkhan, standing next to Tezzeret, snarled. "You would DARE defy the great dragon?"  
"As I believe Ugin would say, 'I've got an archangel, bitch. Giant dragons mean nothing to me.'" Sorin said, slightly amused. "Run off and play, now, children. Go back to jumping to his tunes like dogs."  
Sarkhan snarled and leaped out towards him, rapidly shifting into a dragon. Sorin spared him a brief glance, yawning.

"Seen it."

He flexed one finger, and a doom blade smashed through the Sarkhan-Dragon's chest, forcing him back into his usual form severely wounded. Tezzeret immediately sheathed the mageslayer he'd just drawn, considering it a bad idea.

"Now, smarter dog – take your rabid friend back to Bolas, and tell him that if he's so scared of a bunch of children, find someone ELSE to help him, because I'm not going to. Now, if you'll excuse me, Miss Vess did one hell of a number on this place going after Grisleband and I need to fix it up a little – and you're not helping. If you are not gone in five seconds, I will make you beg before you die – like a little bitch."  
Sorin gave the pair what would have been a coldly condensing smile, if it wasn't for all the fangs. Tezzeret picked up Sarkhan, and ran like hell.

"_I'll just have to go to Bolas Plane 469 to make sure he doesn't follow me." _He thought desperately. "_NO-ONE goes to Bolas Plane 469! Not after it was repopulated!"_

Sorin grinned after they left. "That took six seconds. Good, I needed to kill something."  
He threw himself through the blind eternities after them.

Another few weeks had rolled on by without much cause for celebration, and the first snow was beginning to set in via blizzard, much to Ajani's dislike.

"I hate that stuff." He grumbled, walking into the great all. Chandra glanced up over her copy of the _Daily Prophet_.

"…walking talking abominable snowman says what?" She said cheekily. Ajani gave her a glare accompanied by his best '_I swear to whatever you worship I will EAT YOU'_ growl. Chandra shrugged and turned back to her paper, frowning. Jace glanced over at her from the other end of the planeswalkers table.  
"What could possibly be so interesting in that paper?" He asked casually. Chandra shrugged.  
"Apparently Dumbledore's insane-"  
"_NO." _Venser said snarkily. "_HIM?_"  
Chandra ignored him. "The evil wizard allied with Bolas is still dead, and Harry's a lying scumbag."

Elspeth sighed dramatically. "Oh, the wonders of propaganda" She deadpanned. "We are right, you are wrong, and we are willing to throw a hissy fit over it."

Even Liliana got a chuckle out of that one. Garruk prodded his roast beef with his axe.  
"I'm still not used to this food." He muttered. Liliana sent him a sharp glare.

"Would you rather gnaw something to the bone?" She asked innocently. The axe raised a few notches in the air. "Maybe lose control a little too-"  
The axe left Garruk's hand and would have thudded into Liliana's forehead if Jace hadn't forced it back into Garruk's belt with a vapor snag. Liliana sent him a sickly sweet smile. "Thanks, honey."  
"Shut up." Jace said irritably, stirring his soup. "I need as many of you alive as possible."  
"You DO care!"  
"Not for much longer at this rate…" Jace said threateningly. Chandra began to chuckle lowly. Jace shot her a glare. "WHAT IS IT?"  
"Nothing, just thinking how that Luna girl could probably kill both of you in a second if she had a clue what she was doing"

Liliana opened her mouth to say something about how was that even BEGINNING to be relevant, but before she could say anything Jace nodded his head in agreement. "She could hit you too."  
"Oh, not denying that. All I'm saying is-"

A panicked looking Tezzeret and Sarkhan randomly appeared in the room, ran screaming for a while through a suddenly silent breakfast hall, and vanished again in puffs of blue and red smoke. Jace blinked.  
"Huh, wonder what all that was about-"  
Sorin blinked into existence and glanced at the planeswalker's table. "Did they come this way?"  
Liliana and Garruk hid themselves immediately. Sorin sighed. "NOT YOU TWO, THE OTHER TWO!"  
Jace nodded, trying not to look terrified. "Um…yes. It looked like he was heading for Kamigawa-does this mean you're on our side?"  
"No, it means the idiots pissed me off." Sorin growled, pointing at Liliana and Garruk. "Don't forget – I still want to talk to you two." He vanished in a puff of white and black smoke. Jace blinked for a few seconds.

"Well, hopefully that's another problem solved." He said cheerfully. "What did you two do to piss him off so bad, though?"

Garruk and Liliana shuddered. "You don't want to know." The both said, glaring at each other. Jace shrugged.

"Not my problem, anyway." Jace continued. "I'd just like to know how they managed to get in here when Venser's machine was meant to STOP planeswalking inside the castle."  
Venser's fork stopped halfway to his mouth, a lone sausage wobbling forelornely at the end. "Oh. Right. That's what I was meant to do last night."  
Jace's glare sent shivers down his spine. "Right, I'll just get on that…"  
He disappeared in a swirl of mana and a sound strangely like VWORP. Liliana snapped out of her Sorin-induced fear to glance at Jace, the hall returning to its normal busy self.  
"So, are you going to watch this 'Quidditch' thing Umbridge tried to ban when the students get back from Hogsmead?" She asked casually. Chandra glanced at her incredulously.  
"Are you asking him out?"

Jace hid his face in his hands with a moan as it started again. "Could you two please give it a rest…" He started weakly, but they'd already focused on each other.

"So what if I am?"  
"Because it worked out SO WELL last time…"  
"Just because you're with a bloodthirsty Knight Templar-"  
"WHAT DID YOU CALL GIDEON?"  
There was a brief silence as Jace stared at Chandra in horror, images of little chibi-pyromancers in heavy armor dancing around in his mind – it wasn't pretty.  
"I mean…HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!"  
Elspeth facepalmed and sighed in despair, while Garruk just left the table.

"Not that this isn't entertaining, but…NEVILLE! TREE WRESTLING!"  
A strangled scream erupted from the general direction of Gryffindor, and a heavily bandaged Neville made a mad dash for the opposite door. Chuckling, Garruk went after him at a sprint.

**  
Venser frowned at his newest contraption. "It should be working. Why isn't it working?"  
He kicked it in his frustration, only for the thing to start glowing blue. "Ah, there it is. I'm a genius."  
Elspeth snorted from the corner. "You kicked it – I could have done that."  
"Yes, anyone can kick a machine– but the skill is WHERE to kick the machine." Venser said sagely. Elspeth sighed and rolled her eyes.  
"Whatever, Venser. Just keep telling yourself that, and I won't have to crush your ego."  
Venser opened his mouth for another cutting retort when the machine started to whirr uncontrollably. Frowning, he studied a small screen on the right-hand side. "Huh. Interesting – some kind of high magical readout from Hogsmead – teleportation maybe? Say, aren't all the students meant to be there right now-"

Elspeth threw her book to the floor and grabbed her sword, pausing only to give the contraption a look of confusion before leaving. "What does that even LOOK like?"  
Venser looked at it. "Well, you might not want to look too close, because it exists in six dimensions, but it does prevent planeswalking within the castle area while doing multiple other functions-"

"TELEPORTING! HOGSMEAD! EXPLOSIONS! NOW!" Elspeth said firmly, refraining from flat-out screeching in his face by great force of will. Venser looked out the window to see the blossoming plumes of magic.

"Oh yes, right. That might help." He grabbed onto her arm and the two vanished with a VWORP.

Faceless Death Eater #1 laughed with his companion as they sent another _Reducto_ spiraling into a house on the street, screaming children fleeing. "Haha! That old dragon was right, this is easy!"

"Yeah, now all we need to do is find Potter's friends and kill them!" #2 said cheerfully. "If the dragon's right, it'll demoralize-VWORP"  
#1 frowned. "VWORP? What does that mean?" he asked, turning to see his friend's wand clatter to the ground, the death eater himself nowhere to be seen. "Huh?"

#2's screaming body slammed into the spot he was looking at, splashing blood all over his horrified companion. Turning to run, #1 walked right into Venser's waiting hand, which closed around his skull. #1's voice turned into panicked gibbering as he raised his wand. "Avada-"  
"No." Venser said calmly, teleporting #1's head into his chest cavity. The bloody mess that was faceless death eater #1 collapsed to the floor, spraying blood everywhere. Venser calmly turned and walked through the streets, a scowl on his face as he brought all the students back into order. Aurors started apparating into the streets, attempting to fix the damage and find the perpetrators, even as Elspeth and Venser got the kids under control. Kingsley Shacklebolt approached Venser with a calm expression on his face.  
"Are you hurt, sir?"  
"Now, it's all their blood." Venser said casually. "I don't suppose you've got a-"  
Shacklebolt handed him a handkerchief.  
"Oh, thank you." Venser muttered, wiping blood from his face. "Now, I'm sure you know this attack was started by-"  
"Death Eaters, yes." Shacklebolt said off-handedly. "The official explanation is that they went on a little remembrance spree, before being brought down by a few curses from local wizards. Dumbledore told all Order members to keep your existence a secret."  
Venser's brain shut down for a few seconds. "Hang on, hang on, hang on – WHAT THE HELL IS THE ORDER?"  
Shacklebolt frowned. "You are not Jace Belaren?"  
"No, I'm Venser Urborg, now TELL ME WHAT EMO-MAGE HAS BEEN FORGETTING TO MENTION!"  
_You could just ask me, you know._

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD, JACE!"

…_you know what? This is faster, I'll just send you the relevant memory. Prepare to phase out for a long time._

"Why?"  
_Because you'll be me in the past for a few minutes. I'm told the experience is not quite comforting._

"Wait, what-"

**  
A/N: Flashback chapter next – Jace learns about the OotP, Venser does by extension, and Dumbledore cracks another crazy plot. All in chapter's work for this batshit insane Crack Fic.

USE SORIN.


End file.
